


Nobody Loves Me Like You Love Me

by jacksparrow589



Series: The js589 Shirbert Soundtrack [4]
Category: Anne with an E (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Are you seeing the pattern here yet?, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Modern Era, it really does end happily, it's gonna be fine i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-14
Updated: 2020-05-14
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,321
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24176464
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacksparrow589/pseuds/jacksparrow589
Summary: "You're right, this was a terrible idea. But it was kinda fun.""Don't kid yourself; you loved every second of this," Gilbert teased, placing a gentle kiss to Anne's forehead.Anne tipped her head up to catch Gilbert's lips with hers. "I loved it because I love you. And Scrabble. And winning at Scrabble. But mostly you, I promise." She went to get another glass of water, drinking it at the sink and refilling it again before coming back to sit down. "Much better." She pulled Gilbert's arm around her. "I could happily spend every night for the rest of my life like this, honestly," she mused quietly, Gilbert humming his agreement.They were quiet for a few minutes, unusually for Anne, but even for Gilbert. When he cleared his throat a bit to speak, Anne instantly felt hot and nervous. "When you said you could spend every night for the rest of your life like this… I want that too. So… in that future… am I there with you?"-----A quiet night in with Anne and Gilbert leads to a conversation that changes both everything and nothing.Set just under two-and-a-half years after "To Be Your Last Good Night and Your First Good Day". Go read that first if you haven't.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Series: The js589 Shirbert Soundtrack [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1728880
Comments: 39
Kudos: 111
Collections: anne with an e





	Nobody Loves Me Like You Love Me

**Author's Note:**

> Song: "Nobody Needs You Like I Do" by Milow. If you haven't heard the song, I suggest listening to it either before or as you read to set the mood. And maybe grab a tissue. This one's a little heavy, just in case you missed that heavy implication in the tags.
> 
> As stated in the summary, initially set just under two-and-a-half years after "To Be Your Last Good Night and Your First Good Day".

A warm August evening saw Anne and Gilbert playing Scrabble in the living room of their apartment.

"Hah, ten points for me's more than seven for you!" Anne crowed. "And I won, so drink up."

Gilbert rolled his eyes, but downed the rest of his beer before relaxing back against the couch. "I don't think it's really fair that the more I drink, the harder it is for me to recall words while you just get wordier."

"You have a size advantage," Anne pointed out.

"I have a better alcohol tolerance in general," Gilbert told her. "Also, I've been snacking on pita chips this whole game. You stopped just as you got started drinking."

"They dried my mouth out!" Anne protested.

"And we have perfectly potable tap water," replied Gilbert, going to get a glass for her (and one for him) when Anne tried to stand a few times and settled for just getting to her knees and "walking" to the couch on them.

When he sat back down, Anne downed half the glass, downed the other half after a short pause, and nuzzled into Gilbert's side. "You're right, this was a terrible idea. But it was kinda fun."

"Don't kid yourself; you loved every second of this," Gilbert teased, placing a gentle kiss to Anne's forehead.

Anne tipped her head up to catch Gilbert's lips with hers. "I loved it because I love _you_. And Scrabble. And winning at Scrabble. But mostly you, I promise." She went to get another glass of water, drinking it at the sink and refilling it again before coming back to sit down. "Much better." She pulled Gilbert's arm around her. "I could happily spend every night for the rest of my life like this, honestly," she mused quietly, Gilbert humming his agreement.

They were quiet for a few minutes, unusually for Anne, but even for Gilbert. When he cleared his throat a bit to speak, Anne instantly felt hot and nervous. "When you said you could spend every night for the rest of your life like this… I want that too. So… in that future… am I there with you?"

Anne drew in on herself. "What do you mean?"

"You know what I mean, Anne," Gilbert said softly. "Do you see us getting married? It doesn't have to be tomorrow or next year, but do you see that with me someday?"

"I mean, I guess I do…" Anne chewed her lip. "But that's still a few years off, you know? And a lot can change in that time. I want to get there, really, but there's so many things. You're still in school, and my career might have me traveling for a bit." She knew she should stop, but her mind was racing. "And what if… what if it turns out we're actually not suited? We live together, sure, but—but I've seen so many people who started like us, and then ten, twenty years down the road, it's like they can't remember how to be in love anymore! Five of the eight families I lived with were unhappy or divorced! And Diana and Fred just broke up, and they were so happy! And I know—" Anne's voice broke "—I know that… that if I say no now, it's going to break our hearts, but there's this part of me that keeps telling me better now than later because it's just going to hurt more and more the longer this goes."

"The longer we're happier, you mean?" Gilbert challenged, his voice low and hurt. "Because I don't see that changing."

"Nobody ever does," Anne pointed out.

"Well, yeah, but come on, Anne, you know as well as—hell, better than I do—that it's the people who stop talking, or who hide things that this happens to. You've never really tried to hide anything from me, and you certainly couldn't be accused of not talking. So is it something I'm doing? I need to know. I need to know what it is that's scaring you, Anne." He removed his arm from around her shoulders so that he could take both her hands in his. "I want to make it better."

Anne was well and truly crying now. "I don't know that you _can,_ " she choked. "It's all in my head. And I know it is, but that doesn't make it any less real."

Gilbert reached with one hand to grab a tissue for Anne while running his other thumb across the back of her hands. "Anne… do you think that there's anything I wouldn't do to stay with you? To make you feel happy and safe and warm and loved?"

"Of  _course_ not!" Anne shook her head vehemently.

"And is there anything you wouldn't do?" Gilbert prompted.

"No!" cried Anne.

"So, what's going to come between us that wouldn't have already?" Gilbert asked in an almost pained tone.

Anne's shoulders shook as she continued to sob. "Love doesn't operate on logic, Gil!"

"You're right; it operates on willingness to be there and empathy and compassion and faith in each other. And my point is that those aren't going away. I'm not going to stop showing you in every way I can that I want to be with you, but only if—" Gilbert swallowed and continued in a miserable whisper after several false starts. "Only if that's what you really want."

Through her own tears, Anne could see Gilbert's. She pulled her hands from his and wrapped her arms around his neck again, pulling his forehead down to hers. "I've never wanted anything more in my life," she gasped, "And I'm so, so sorry that… that I let myself think that—that I let my brain trick me into thinking that… that this could fall apart. I'll never be able to apologize enough."

"Then don't. Just… promise me you'll tell me when the time's right. Whether it's in the middle of the night or you're at the office and I'm in a lab or… or you're in the shower and I'm making pancakes or _I'm_ in the shower and _you're_ making pancakes…" He gave Anne a hopeful half-smile. "As soon as you know, tell me."

Anne nodded with a shaky laugh. "I will, I promise." She pulled back and gave him a soft kiss before reaching the coffee table to grab tissues for both of them. "I don't deserve you, Gil, but I'm never going to stop trying."

"And I'm not going to start the argument about who deserves who," Gilbert murmured, "but I will reiterate that I'm not going anywhere. I'm here to stay." He wrapped his arms around her again. "I love you, Anne. More than words."

"I love you too, Gilbert. More than anything," Anne murmured into his chest, soothed by the lull of his heartbeat, steady and strong and _there_.

_I hope I know soon, because he deserves it._

* * *

_**fourteen months later** _

Anne hadn't thought too much of it when she didn't get the usual text from Gilbert over their lunch break. Maybe he'd been delayed in the lab, or had gotten sidetracked drafting his dissertation. It had happened a few times before. She'd sent him a few more texts, including one of the macarons she'd found at the cafe around the corner from her office that she was bringing home for them that night: honey and apple butter for him, strawberry and lavender for her.

When, just after 2 PM, her phone buzzed her with a call and Gilbert's name came up on the screen, Anne smiled, but couldn't help feeling a bit uneasy. Maybe he wanted to apologize for taking so long to respond, but when that had happened before, it had always been a text with a picture of some flower or leaf or something he'd found on campus that he was planning to give her later (and once, a box of chocolates that a professor who didn't like chocolate had been trying to get rid of).

Still, she stepped out to take the call with a chipper "Hey, love!"

"Hey."

Fear blazed a bolt of ice through Anne's very soul. Gilbert didn't sound right. He sounded… angry? Upset? Something was wrong. "Gil," Anne quavered, "What's wrong?"

Gilbert's breathing was tense as he explained, "I was… in a crash. Sort of. I was biking to get lunch, and a car didn't see me, and I tried to swerve out of the way, and I hit a wet patch of pavement, and I went down and—god _dammit_ , this _hurts!_ —Sorry, it's just… I broke my collarbone and my elbow." He took a few short, pained breaths. "I still need to get everything set, so I'm going to be here a while, but I wanted to let you know."

"What can I do." Anne couldn't even ask so much as state her willingness to help.

"Call my dad, please? He should probably know. And then come here? I'm not super likely to be able to get home on my own."

"I'm coming to the hospital first and then calling your dad." Anne knew she probably didn't need to tell him, but everything just seemed to be processing strangely right now.

Gilbert made a noise of pain and acknowledgment. "See you here."

"Gil!" Anne couldn't help the panicked tone at first, but more quietly, she continued, "I love you."

Gilbert wheezed out a laugh. "Love you, too, sweetheart. I'll see you in a bit. Bye."

"Bye." Anne stood in the hallway for a moment, willing her feet to move but finding herself unable.

"Anne?" One of the editors—Jameson—was looking at her curiously. "Everything okay?"

Anne shook her head. "I've gotta go. My—Gilbert's in the hospital. He was in an accident."

Jameson blinked. "Oh God. Is he gonna be okay? D'you need someone to drive you?"

"I think I'll be okay, thanks. Just tell Mark where I've gone and that I'll be out for the rest of the day."

"Sure thing. Good luck." Jameson squeezed her shoulder and walked into the office ahead of Anne, who wandered back in and grabbed her things on autopilot.

She only just managed to concentrate long enough to make it to the hospital, but once she was in the waiting room, the thoughts started to creep in. How long had he been here? How long did it take to set those bones? What if he was concussed, or there were other injuries? What was she going to tell—right, his dad!

Anne called John, who greeted her happily at first. He was shaken by the news his son had been injured, but "if he called you, he must be okay. He'd tell you if you needed to worry."

Forced with a wry smile to agree that that was true, Anne promised she'd send an update when she had Gilbert home and resting, and that she'd make him call John himself tomorrow.

"Love you, Anne-darlin'."

Anne smiled at the pet name he'd recently developed for her and replied with hers for him. "Love you too, John-dear." Anne ended the call and sighed, putting her head in her hands. How much longer would it take?

"Anne Shirley-Cuthbert?" a nurse asked.

Anne's head immediately shot back up. "Hmm?"

"Gilbert is asking for you. They're just finishing up, but he says he can't wait." The nurse looked annoyed, but couldn't help smiling. "Looks like you have roughly the same feeling."

Anne nodded. "Yeah, you might say." She stood. "I'm coming with you?"

"Yep. Follow me." The nurse—Angie—led Anne back through to a room that looked like it must have six or eight beds in it, sectioned off by curtains. Gilbert was on one of the beds just inside the door, and looked up when she walked in.

"Hey," he said softly.

"Hey," Anne whispered with a watery voice.

"Thanks, Angie. I appreciate it." Gilbert told the nurse before refocusing his attention on Anne. "Hey you. It's good to see you."

_You have no idea._ That wasn't right, but Anne almost couldn't stop herself from saying it. "It's good to see _you_. How are you?" 

Gilbert managed a faint smile. "Well, the pain meds have kicked in, so I feel less like hell than I did earlier, but I've been assured I'm going to be feeling it again later." He grimaced as the doctor working on the sling made some final adjustments, then explained the setup to Anne and rattled off a list of instructions for care and pain management, handing Anne several sheets and the medications Gilbert had been prescribed, as well as several large ice packs. She was having a little difficulty shoving everything into her bag with one hand, but she wasn't about to take her other from Gilbert's, and he didn't seem inclined to let it go.

Finally, as they left the hospital, Anne driving at a crawl, Gilbert joked, "Well, it's a good thing you insist on so many pillows. I'm going to be sleeping in a nest of them for the next few weeks."

Anne nearly had to pull over to burst into tears there and then. "Please don't. I'm only just keeping it together right now." She sighed. "Sorry. I'm just… I was so scared. Like, I knew you were going to be fine, but I was terrified, Gil. And that's not your fault, but all I can do is tell you since it's not exactly legal to go and punch the driver who caused this in the first place, though I at least hope you got their details."

Gilbert nodded. "It was a little old man and his wife. They were so busy talking that he apparently just didn't see me. He stayed until after I left, even though the cops told him he could go. He was pretty worried."

"And yet, I still kind of want to punch an old man," Anne grumbled.

"That's nothing new," Gilbert replied in much the same tone.

Anne couldn't help laughing at that.

"God, that sound is music to my ears." Gilbert smiled, just a little hazy from the pain medication. "I was scared, too. Thankfully, my helmet kept me from getting a concussion or worse. But there was a moment where I… I thought, _I'm not gonna get to text her_. And I guess that was still kinda right, but in the least terrible way. Oh God, sorry." He frowned as Anne started to cry. Thankfully, they were just pulling into the driveway of the small house they were renting. "I'm fine, Anne. The breaks aren't even that bad, really." He yawned. "I just really want to rest."

Anne helped him inside and settled him on their bed, nested in pillows as promised. Anne set one set of the ice packs on him and stuck the other in the freezer, then grabbed a water bottle to set on his bedside, and recorded when he'd taken which medications in a spare notebook. Gilbert seemed to be dozing, so she sat down and opened her work laptop, finding an email from her manager noting the hours she was taking off and telling her to work from home while Gilbert needed her there.

_Fine, I wasn't going to get any work done, anyway._ She turned on the television to quietly watch a cooking program while she worked on knitting, but she kept on dropping stitches, and eventually gave that up, too. She knew she didn't have the concentration to read, so she made herself some chamomile tea and just tried to relax for a bit. 

Even as she felt herself slowly unwind, though, she was compelled to go into their bedroom. She sat next to Gilbert as gingerly as possible, but found herself unable to help reaching out and brushing his hair back from his forehead, tracing over a tiny scar where she'd flung her locker door at him when he'd called her "Carrot Top" all those years ago. She'd gotten detention for it, and the only reason she hadn't been suspended was because Gilbert, holding a wad of paper towels to his head, had admitted to provoking as well as surprising Anne, so it was hardly her fault that she'd startled and shoved the door at him.

She'd thought she would never hurt him so badly again.

And then she'd nearly destroyed what they had. _Not all wounds leave a mark_ , her social worker had said. God, how right she'd been.

Tears started streaming down Anne's cheeks. She pulled her knees to her chest and tried to keep her sobs quiet, but Gilbert was quickly blinking himself awake. "Hey, Anne, what's wrong?"

"What _isn't_ wrong?!" Anne sobbed into her arms before grabbing a tissue with one hand and Gilbert's uninjured hand with the other when he offered it. "I know that this whole thing could have been so much worse, and while I'm grateful that it didn't, the knowledge that it could have is still there. And if it—if you—if the worst had happened, I wouldn't have known. They'd have called your dad, since he's your next of kin, and who knows what that would have done to him. And then maybe police would be here by the time I got home, and… and… I'd have lost you." She took several shuddering breaths.

"I just… remembered that night when I almost threw it all away a year ago. How I promised I'd tell you the moment I knew I was ready to marry you. I promise I didn't know it like that until now. But the stupidest thing is that if you'd asked yesterday or the day before or even ten months ago, I would have said yes. I set a limitation I didn't need or even want all because I was scared, and there's a part of me that will never stop hating myself for it because if just one little thing was different, it could have cost me you." A fresh wave of sobs wracked her. "I could never stop loving you, Gil. I couldn't even contemplate trying."

Gilbert took his hand from Anne's and wrapped it around her shoulders, pulling her down to recline next to him. "You really mean that? You want me to ask you to marry me?"

Anne nodded into his shoulder. "I mean, I don't care if you ask. I don't care if we get married tomorrow at the courthouse in what we're wearing now. I just care that it happens. Nothing matters to me more."

"Well, I can tell you that I intend on doing this at least sort of properly, but I will keep all that in mind," Gilbert promised. "I'm just… I'm really happy to hear it. You've said it, and that's what matters. I'm still not going to stop proving how much I love you every day, though."

"Neither am I," vowed Anne. She smiled as Gilbert pressed a kiss to her hair before tilting her chin up so he could capture her lips.

The spell was broken a moment later when he tried to move his other hand to her, forgetting what had happened until the pain flooded in. Gilbert let out a soft cry and bit down on his lip, releasing Anne.

"Let me go get your next dose," Anne told him, rolling off the bed. She returned with the medication and a glass of water, then went to refill the water bottle Gilbert had drained in between dozing earlier. That done, she climbed back onto the bed.

"Oh good," breathed Gilbert. "I was going to ask you to stay here."

"I'm not moving unless I have to," Anne informed him, placing a kiss on the scar she'd accidentally given him all those years ago.

"Promise?" Gilbert asked with a grin.

Anne leaned in and gently pressed her lips to his, making sure her sincerity was felt as much as heard when she answered, "I promise."

**Author's Note:**

> Well, I had this idea about five hours ago and wrote it and posted it and I have #noragrets because it just flowed. Felt so good to have that happen again! Even if the end result was, um, angsty. Oops.
> 
> Also, I love to think that Anne and John would have got on super well and would absolutely have developed pet names for each other. I wanted to use Anne-girl, but given how it is used in the fandom, the implications were not great, and so I could not in good conscience do that.
> 
> As ever and always, I hope you enjoyed this! (Or at least don't hate me by the end...) Let me know what you think!


End file.
